Frustration Flashback

— This week was a busy one! So when the realization that I hadn’t written in a week hit, I dove into my journal and found this gem from a few weeks back. As I read it, I remembered this day all too vividly. That kind of memory calls for a share. —

It’s one of those days today. It’s one of those days where tears of frustration have been shed. One of those days when the doctor didn’t see us until an hour after appointment time. One of those days when Leo spilled my entire cup of coffee on the carpet. I haven’t played with my boy, I haven’t sung Ava to sleep. It’s just one of those days.

It’s one of those days when I’m yelling at my husband for working too much. It’s one of those days when I admire the career moms as I yearn for a baby break. I haven’t bothered to eat lunch, I haven’t bothered to plan dinner. It’s just one of those days.

Being a stay-at-home mom is so tough on the emotions. To be a stay-at-home mom is to devote your entire life to raising your kids because the idea of missing their first step or their first word hurts your heart. To be stay-at-home mom is to lose all other aspects of your life, only to wish you had something going for yourself. To be a stay-at-home mom is to admire the hard-working, career-driven moms, to crave that strength and independence, only to worry that time away from your kids is time lost. To be a stay-at-home mom is to feel like you bring nothing to the table, but to know you are the sole reason your family is able to thrive so well. There are days when you think you are the luckiest woman alive to stay home with your babies, and there are days when you think you just aren’t cut out for this lifestyle. There are days that breeze by and you think you are a top notch momma, and there are days when you think your kids would be luckier to spend their time with a nanny. Some days you prevail, some days you feel defeated. Some days you wish you had a social life, friends, fun plans and romantic dates, and some days you look at your littles like they are all that matter in this world.

Here’s a bit of fellow stay-at-home momma support. Do not let your frustration define you as a mother. Don’t let your worst days outshine your best. Never let guilt overcome you after a day full of frustration. I may fall short of believing this from time to time, but deep in my heart I never forget. There is no better person to nurture your children than you, and that stands for even the hardest of days. Today was tough on me, and Lord knows there will be many more of these tough days, but I’m pushing through. Maybe it’s the joy of writing that gave me this last strand of strength to finish the day with some grace, maybe I’m finally toughening up. But I am doing my best, and you are doing your best, and that is always enough in the eyes of our sweet babies.

— I mentioned that this was in my journal from a few weeks back. It’s a bit ironic that I didn’t share it back when I wrote it, because as I read it now, it’s a little sweeter on my heart. From the beginning I had hoped this blog would help me reminisce and remember, learn and grow. Reading this piece does just that. I remember that tough day, heck, maybe today will be just like it, but right now I get to be thankful for the positivity, the laughter, and the lighthearted love my babies shared with me yesterday. Cheers to newfound gratitude for a day that didn’t seem so special before. —